5 Strategies For Dealing With An Angry Partner
Everyone gets angry from time to time, but if your boyfriend or girlfriend constantly has moments of uncontrollable anger and rage, this can be very hard on you, your partner and your relationship in general.
Perhaps every car ride with your boyfriend involves him swearing at other drivers. Maybe your girlfriend tends to scream at customer service representatives on the phone. How many times do you find yourself telling your partner to calm down, relax or let it go?
Your partner may be a loving, kind and wonderful person, but these moments of out-of-control anger are hard to overlook. Luckily, there are ways to deal with a partner who suffers from anger issues so that your relationship doesn’t have to suffer as a result.
1. Talk it over
If your partner tends to exhibit signs of uncontrolled anger, it’s time to openly and honestly discuss this with him or her. That way, your mate can not only understand how this behavior is impacting you, but he or she can also start to recognize the triggers that are causing him or her to become enraged.
Your boyfriend may not be aware of your shame, humiliation and even fear when he argues with the people in the car next him for cutting him off. Your girlfriend may not understand that quarreling with the cashier at the supermarket about the lengthy line is embarrassing you.
Once your partner can recognize the behaviors that are troubling you, he or she can make a concerted effort to change his or her ways in the future.
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2. Set a good example
If your partner gets easily annoyed, angered or agitated, it’s crucial for you to demonstrate an alternative behavior so that your partner can fully understand what actions you’d like to see from him or her going forward.
Of course, there are definitely times when it’s perfectly normal and natural to get upset, but the difference is that an angered response and its degree have to be truly merited.
Your mate may never have learned how to properly deal with his or her emotions, anger and frustration, and becoming enraged is how he or she has learned to cope with his or her feelings.
With this in mind, it’s important that you act as a role model for your mate so he or she can better comprehend how to handle life’s disappointments, let downs and moments of annoyance that don’t involve flying off the handle.
3. Look deeper
When you’re in a relationship with someone who constantly displays moments of uncontrolled anger, irritation and rage, it’s important to look deeper at the possible root causes of this type of behavior.
Is your boyfriend truly mad at the waiter for forgetting his order, or is he feeling overlooked in other aspects of his life and being ignored yet again is a painful reminder?
Is your girlfriend truly pissed that you didn’t remember to buy her Diet Coke, or is she actually angry because she feels it’s yet another example of you not listening to her?
In order to get a clear sense of what’s setting your partner off, you may need to look deeper at the situation and help your partner recognize and deal with the true causes of his or her negative feelings and emotions.
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4. Ask for help
Having a partner who is quick to anger can not only take a toll on your partner’s health and happiness, but yours as well. You may find yourself getting stressed, anxious and nervous because of your partner’s unpredictable behavior.
You may never know who’s going to show up, Bruce Banner or the Incredible Hulk—and it makes you incredibly frustrated. When you’re put in this type of relationship situation, an important step is to ask for help.
Whether your partner attends counseling on his or her own or you both go as a couple, seeking professional guidance and support can help you and your mate deal with his or her uneven temperament.
A trained professional can empower you and your partner with tools and strategies to manage the anger, and there’s no reason that you and your partner shouldn’t seek out this valuable and helpful option.
5. Make a judgment call
In the end, it’s up to you to decide if being in a relationship with someone with anger issues is right for you. Nobody is perfect, but if your partner’s rage is causing him or her to become physically or verbally abusive, this relationship needs to end immediately.
Further, even if your partner only directs his or her anger and frustration at others, such as his or her coworkers, the barista who messed up his or her latte or the man who bumped into him or her at the movie theater, it may only be a matter of time before this anger and rage is directed right at you.
You’re not a doormat or a punching bag whose job it is to diffuse or deflect your partner’s anger, so if your partner continues to become enraged at every turn, it’s time to turn the page on this relationship and move on.