How Can You Tell If Your Partner Isn’t Over His Ex?
Everyone has a relationship past, but when this past continues to make its way into the present, this can present a major issue for many couples.
And whether you’re in a new or long-term relationship, your partner may still have feelings for an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. But how do you know if these feelings are strong enough to wreck your connection? Here are 11 signs to look for so you can recognize if your partner is still pining after the person who came before.
1. Talking to an ex
If your partner is constantly speaking to an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, whether they text, talk on the phone or video chat, your partner may not be over him or her. Sure, your mate can stay “friends” with an ex, but by continuing to have a close bond with a past object of his affection, he’s actually undermining the bond that the two of you are trying to cultivate together.
If he’s refusing to hang up, he still may be hung up on her.
2. Following an ex’s social footprint
Is your partner trailing his or her ex on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter? Is your girlfriend constantly obsessing about what her ex is doing, who he’s with and where he is? If your partner is involved in some serious social media stalking, this is a clear indicator that your mate is very much invested in the happenings in the life of her ex. And if your partner cares that much about what her ex is up to, she still very much cares about him in general.
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3. Seeing an ex
If your partner continues to meet face to face with his ex for lunch dates, drinks and/or dinner, it’s time to face the fact that your partner may still be harboring feelings for this person.
Remember, your partner should have enough respect for you and your relationship that his ex no longer plays a large role in his life—that role should be played by you. And if your partner doesn’t seem to get that, find another mate who will.
4. Calling you by an ex’s name
Freudian slip, anyone? If your partner has called you by her ex’s name on more than one occasion, whether this was via text, in person or even while you were being intimate, this is a sign that your partner is still mentally checked in to her ex.
What’s in a name? A lot. Your name should be the one on your partner’s mind, and if you need to keep reminding her of yours, her name should be mud.
5. Refusing to talk about an ex
It may seem counterintuitive, but if your partner refuses to share anything to you about his ex, this may also be a sign that he is not quite over this past relationship. His feelings may be raw, painful and right on the surface, and if he’s still in the process of healing and dealing with past emotions, he’s definitely not ready to move forward with you.
6. Comparing you to an ex
Did you cook dinner for your partner, and he told you his ex used to make the same meal? Wear the same shirt? Have the same rug? Love the same song? When your partner dares to compare, you’ll spend most of your time trying to measure up to this other person. And in many cases, you’ll come up short. It’s time to cut your losses and move on—life’s too short.
7. Telling you horrible things about an ex
If your partner continues to spew hateful insults and harsh words about an ex, your mate may not be over this relationship. Whether these sentiments are justified or not, your partner should be able to move past these negative emotions and no longer feel the need to put down his or her ex. The more he talks poorly about an ex, the more you should wonder about who your partner is actually trying to convince—you or himself.
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8. Holding on to reminders of an ex
Does your boyfriend still have a picture on his dresser of him and his ex at Park like Disneyland or any other? Does your girlfriend like to keep a Teddy bear on her bed that her ex gave to her? If your mate is still holding on to keepsakes, souvenirs and reminders of an ex, it’s you who should be reminding yourself that you deserve better.
9. Talking about an ex’s new romances
If your partner is constantly filling you in on his ex’s dating life, he probably wishes he was still dating her. Why does your partner feel the need to keep tabs on her? Why does he even care about her new boyfriend? The more obsessed he is with her love-life, the more worried you should be about your own.
10. Mentioning an ex in daily conversations
If your partner frequently brings up his or her ex in daily conversations, its time you both have a conversation about the future of your relationship. His or her ex really shouldn’t be the topic of discussion time after time. And if you keep hearing about your partner’s ex, the next ex on his or her list should be you.
11. Being in touch with an ex’s family
Is your partner still in contact with an ex’s parents, siblings or relatives? Unless your mate was close to these people before she was ever in a relationship with her ex, there’s no reason that she should still be in touch with them now. In fact, her ex’s family may wish they were still together or be trying to bring them back together. If an ex’s family is still in the picture, perhaps you should picture yourself in another relationship.